midnightsjane

Oh, Midnight. If anyone can find mischief, it would be you. Today after almost two weeks of snow and ice and horses being inside, the paths were finally clear enough to allow the horses to walk safely out to their paddocks. All of them but Midnight went out and just stood or walked quietly around; Midnight went ballistic, racing and romping and generally creating a mess. Then he somehow managed to grab the hose we had hooked up to the tap at the end of the arena, pull it into the paddock, and wrap it around him like a big snake. Then he tried to eat the snake. Hopefully, I don't have to buy a replacement hose. That's my boy.

Kyra is much better behaved, but she came back in looking like a gray horse instead of a black one. I think she did a head and neck plant into the crusher dust. I'm very pleased to see that what I thought was a cataract in her right eye is what the Vet thought when she looked at her on Sunday; not a cataract, but some kind of injury. Her eye is much clearer now, and whatever it was seems to be healing. If it was a cataract, she'd manage okay, given that she has a very safe environment, but I am happier to think it's something that will heal and not cause her any vision loss.

It was a lovely sunny day, and after this last couple of wintery weeks it felt terrific. Almost all the snow is melting, although there is still quite a lot left in the field. It really shows how well drained the place is; after all that snow and torrential rain we had, there is hardly any standing water anywhere. Winter isn't over yet, but it sure felt nice to have a more springlike day for a change.

We hope that we'll be able to get the boys, Buddy and Teddy, out in their paddocks this weekend. After being inside for so long, we're waiting until Jack is there on the weekend in case the boys are really feisty. They're really good boys, but they're getting ever so strong!

I occasionally write about work, but usually in a non specific kind of way, because I have been somewhat conflicted about doing so; we have the whole patient confidentiality thing that the PTBs are very keen on, and I don't want to have them somehow find something I've written and have it become an issue. However, this month's Canadian Nurse magazine had an article about nurses who blog about nursing, and most of them are a lot more upfront and public than anything I might write here, so I guess it's okay for me to talk about work with you all.

I don't talk much about what I do with my friends in RL, mostly because they're non medical people, and after the first little while their eyes kind of glaze over, or they are grossed out by some of the details, or it just depresses the hell out of them. I love my profession on most days, and I wouldn't really choose any other career if I had to do it over again, but you know, it's not always glamorous or happy. In fact, some days it's just plain shitty..literally. Sometimes it's so depressingly sad, and somedays it's terribly frustrating, and sometimes what we do to patients in the name of treatment is painful and morally ambiguous. I've more than once wondered what the hell we were doing and how could it be right to carry on treating someone who more than likely was going to die whatever we did. Critical Care medicine deals with people with life threatening, and life altering illnesses, and often causes staff to question the ethics of their actions.
Often we carry on treating patients for weeks, seeing them through all sorts of complications and problems, finally getting them well enough to go out to the ward, only to have them bounce back to ICU time and again before they finally die. Have we done right by them, and their families? Sure, we give them extra time, but it's not quality time in many cases. I don't know the answer. All I know is that we can't predict who will do well, and who won't. We've had patients in our ICU for as long as a year; one man I remember was there for over a year, went through all sorts of hell, but fought on, finally got to the ward, and was dead in less than a week.
But there are lots of successes, too; a woman who I will always remember was ill with flu-like symptoms just before Christmas one year; by Christmas Day she was on a ventilator, with eight chest tubes (a record she still holds) and so sick we considered a heart lung transplant. She didn't have one, was in ICU for six months, and finally got better and went home. She occasionally would come to visit, but wouldn't come through the doors of the unit. If we'd given up when she was sick to die, her story would have had a much different ending. That's what keeps us going, and the fact that sometimes what looks like a hopeless case turns out to be that miracle.

I have been thinking about these things because on Friday we admitted a young man who was found down in a shelter, in cardiac arrest. He was resuscitated and brought to ICU, and we worked on him for a long time before he was declared brain dead. When we think someone is brain dead there are tests the doctors do: cold calorics is one - ice water is syringed into the ears and if there is no response, it's pretty much an indication of brain death. We took this young man for cerebral angiograms; even though his heart and lungs were still functioning, the angio showed that there was no blood flow to his brain; the brain swells, and blocks the circulation because it's a closed system within the skull. The doctor then had to call the patient's mother and tell her the bad news, and ask her about making him an organ donor. It was so sad.

I do love what I do, even when it's hard. Sometimes I don't like what I do, and sometimes it's really quite disgustingly gross; the other day I looked down at my shoes and there was shit on one of them. Ewwww. The human body can be messy and smelly and nursing is so not glamorous, and some days I come home exhausted and aching from all the lifting and turning, but there is not one day that I don't look at the people in the bed in ICU and count my blessings. Those folks have the real problems; mine are just temporary ones. Keeps me grounded and aware of how very lucky I am.

I've been working in this ICU for 31 years this month. I have stories that would curl your hair, stories that would make you fall on the floor laughing, and stories that would make you weep. Perhaps I'll share some with you.

Okay winter, that's enough. It's way too cold out, and there is way more snow than any resident of this area is comfortable with, outside of on the local ski hills. Brrrr. The local weather forecast is calling for temperatures of around -15 to -20C with the added wind chill factor, and probably colder out in the Fraser Valley. More snow is on the way tomorrow, but things are looking up for Friday, when it will turn to mixed rain and snow, then rain...back to west coast weather again!

Monday was the worst day. I was getting ready to head out to the farm when Sue called to tell me to stay home. The roads were in terrible shape, cars in the ditch all over, and some roads were closed entirely. They had over 8" of snow Sunday night, and it was still snowing. Poor Sue was there all by herself Monday, because no-one could get there. All the horses were fine, tucked into their stalls with lots of hay and water; thank heavens the water in the barns didn't freeze! The stalls didn't get cleaned, but a little dirt wasn't going to kill anyone. It was a matter of just hunkering down in survival mode out there. I felt bad that I was snug here at home while she was stuck there. She's a tough woman though, and made it through. Days like that, all you can do is wait it out.

I spent Monday just hanging out and reading; I read two books, drank a lot of tea, and generally just did a lot of not much. The Cable guy was supposed to come between 8 and 10a.m. to install the digital box that we now need to continue watching most of the channels, and he did arrive by 11a.m., so I guess that's almost prompt. We got the thing hooked up and working, but unfortunately it won't work with my ancient VCR, which totally annoys me. I hate not being able to use it because it's still perfectly functional. I guess at some point I'll get one of the PVRs, but not at the moment, it's not in the budget.

Tuesday was a better day, no snow, just cold, cold. I drove out to the farm, and the roads were fine, until I got to the back roads near the farm. I was fine, my Honda is great in the snow and I've got good snow tires. I know how to drive in snow, so that doesn't worry me; it's the idiots who have no clue and drive like it's summertime who make me nervous. I got the car parked in front of the gate but didn't even try to open the gate, just climbed over it and walked through the deep snow on the driveway to the barn.
Sue and Kelly were there working away, so I pitched in, and between us we got the stalls cleaned, the waters filled and the horses fed and everything done by 3 o'clock. Amazingly, in spite of the frigid temperatures, the water in the barn was still on, a huge bonus. When we were done I gave Sue a ride to the bank and post office since she couldn't get her car down the drive. I had a bit of a problem getting out of the driveway, and luckily Kelly's father showed up just in time to help us push. A farmer was driving by on his tractor, and he waited to make sure we could get out without his help. One of the nice things about that area, people come out and help their neighbours when needed.
By the time I got home I was starving; I ate breakfast but hadn't anything else until I got home, too busy working. I made myself a nice omelette with broccolini and cheese, and a couple of sausages, and I could hardly restrain myself while it was cooking! Gobbled the whole thing down, watched Glee and Chopped on TV, made a beef stew for my dinners this week, then went to bed with a cup of tea and the current book. I was in bed by 10, really early for me.

Off to work today in ICU. It was a good day, my patient got off the ventilator and the breathing tube out, and his family was thrilled. It's very rewarding to have a day that ends with the patient in much better shape than he started it in. I have to work again tomorrow.

That's my week so far.

I'm happy to announce that nothing untoward happened to me today. Not that I have issues with the number 13, I'm really not a superstitious person. Still, always a good thing to keep options open, carry that lucky charm on a day like this, eh? LOL

I slept through the alarm clock, so I got a late start, and didn't get to the farm until almost eleven. Got straight to work and over the next four hours I cleaned all 10 stalls in the big barn, hauled water buckets from the small barn because the water in the big barn was frozen, moved horses around, fed horses, and then cleaned 6 paddocks. Not bad. It was really freezing cold this morning, but I warmed up in a hurry. By midafternoon it had warmed up enough that the water thawed out and we had running taps again. The worst part about winter is having the water freeze; we try to anticipate cold snaps and run the hose out into the field, but on occasion we get fooled. Then we have to bucket water and that's just a pain. Not as bad as the first winter on the farm when everything in both barns froze solid, and we had to haul water from the house...luckily we only had a few horses back then. I'd hate to have to do that now.
With the cold weather the horses are all a bit frisky, so we have to be extra careful handling them. Today Kelly came by to hold her horse for the farrier, and brought her two dogs, both Great Danes. The younger one is only nine months old, and is as big as a small pony; the old one is a bit bigger. She let them have a run in the field, and all the horses just went silly buggers because it was something new..Midnight was racing around his paddock, Florie was rearing and snorting, and it was all a bit much, especially when the dogs started barking. They have really deep voices and make more of a baying sound than a bark. Quiet finally came after Kelly and the dogs left. I think sometimes the horses are just looking for an excuse, any excuse, to act silly.

I've had a really busy week at work. ICU has been at almost full capacity, and the rest of the hospital has been jammed up with an outbreak of a Norwalk virus, so some of the wards have been closed to new admissions. That makes it hard to get patients out of ICU to the wards. I had two patients on Wednesday who both managed to get beds on the wards, so I had to key all that up. Thursday I had a patient who came down from the ward with an infection and very low blood pressure, on top of being extremely malnourished. She looked almost skeletal, she was so thin. Poor woman, I think she may have metastatic cancer; her XRays look suspicious, and she certainly has that look about her. I was kept busy all day trying to get her blood pressure up. When someone is septic, the blood vessels dilate, causing low blood pressure, so the treatment is to give lots of fluid in the initial phase of sepsis. Our ICU has been a leading research centre in Sepsis management, and we've developed a protocol for treating septic shock that is now in place in Emergency, and that has significantly decreased the numbers of people who have to be admitted to ICU with early sepsis. We're quite proud of that, actually.

When I got home from work last night, I made a pot of split pea soup, and a big pot of vegetarian chili so I have meals for the next couple of days. The last thing I really want to do when I get home cold and tired is decide what to make for dinner. I brought some out for Sue, too. Fridays are busy days, and having a good hot dinner is a real necessity.

We're bracing for some winter weather here; the forecast is for a cold arctic front to come our way, and a fair amount of snow is predicted for the beginning of the week. Winter is still here, folks. Brrrrrr.

I have had a nice relaxing evening. I baked some oatmeal soda bread to go with my chili, and watched TV: new episode of Nikita, and old episode of Star Trek: TNG

Speaking of Star Trek, one of the neat things I've seen this week is something straight out of the medical bay on the Enterprise: a cellphone sized ultrasound machine that looks kind of like a tricorder. One of our ICU Attendings did a scan of my patient's heart with it; it was really cool! It's amazing how equipment has changed over the years, getting smaller and smaller, yet more powerful. Ah,yes: Star Trek really has predicted a lot of technology. Or perhaps it's that the people inventing the technology have been inspired by what they watched on Star Trek. Either way, it's pretty damned neat.

On that note, I'm going to go check out the technology of the bath tub. Too bad it's not a jacuzzi. I could use one tonight, I'm a bit stiff from all the work today. Then I'm going to dive back into 11th Century England and the adventures of Robin Hood and Maid Marion. I'm rereading a retelling of that legend by Jennifer Roberson, Lady of Sherwood. It's more Marion's story than Robin Hood's, and really well done. Haven't read it in several years, and I'm enjoying it a lot. There's a sequel too, which I also have on my shelf.

Off I go now..

Well, not literally, it's only 10:16 p.m. Feels like the middle of the night though, it's so quiet here.

Midnight, the wonder horse, is doing much better; his boo-boo is all scabbed over, and he will have a handsome scar, but otherwise he's fine. Still playing the sympathy card though; trying to look like the only thing that will soothe his poor hurt self is more food. Ha! I'm wise to that one. He's still on his diet.

Kyra is better too. Pretty much back to normal, so I think it was just the horse version of the stomach flu. I'm really glad I didn't have to call out the Vet.

It's been rainy and mild here all week, and I'm not complaining. It could be snowing and that's a whole lot harder to deal with when you're working outside. I won't mind if it stays like this all winter. I've been busy working in ICU and at the farm, so by the time I get home all I want to do is have dinner and veg out for awhile. Hence, the lack of updating here.
Besides, my computer is so ancient it takes forever to boot up and tends to freeze regularly. A new computer is on my wish list, but it will have to wait for now. I need new glasses too, so I think glasses trump computer.

That is about it for me tonight. I know, it's not exactly high drama around here these days, but I'm okay with that. A little quiet is fine by me right now. I don't have the energy for much else.

Looking back from the vast distance of four whole days, I'd say 2011 was a mixed bag of a year for me. It was in many ways a year filled with challenges, some of which I met and conquered, some of which kicked my butt.
I don't think I've worked quite so hard in many a year. I went back to work in ICU pretty much full time, out of necessity. I have assumed a lot of financial responsibility for the farm, since the horse business has taken a big hit from the economic slowdown, making it important for me to work more at my paying job. I do so cheerfully, because I am so lucky to have that option, and by doing so I am making my contribution to the farm and the horses I love. Still, it's been tough in a way; I'm not quite so young as I think I am, and sometimes I feel a bit worn down. However, we are keeping our heads above water, and all the horses are very well cared for, and the future of the farm is looking bright. That's all we can ask for right now.

I'm getting used to living very frugally, to not worry too much about life as long as the bills get paid, and the basics are taken care of. It's quite surprising how little I need to live a comfortable and happy life. It would be nice to have more money, but what else is new?

My health has been good, although I did suffer from a lot of neck pain for several months; happily that seems to have been fixed by a combination of massage therapy and relaxation exercises. Other than the odd cold, I have remained in good shape for the shape I'm in. (As a somewhat comic aside, I was the topic of conversation at work the other day: apparently several of my nursing colleagues were impressed by how strong I am, and by my giant biceps, LOL) Hey, nothing like pushing all those manure filled wheelbarrows up the manure pile to build up my upper body strength!

It's been a year of tragedy, too. We lost two of our precious mares, Phaedra and Kismet, due to complications following the birth of their foals. Phaedra died shortly after Buddy's birth, and Kismet foundered a couple of months after Teddy was born. Stanley Schnauzer died too, and all three of them are still greatly missed.

My nephew Mike passed away from cancer at the age of forty, and one of my cousins died a couple of months ago. My friend and neighbour Ken died last May. It seems strange around the apartment complex without him.

Still, with the good comes the bad, and all we can do is carry on. Buddy and Teddy have survived and thrived and are growing into big, energetic young colts. We promised their mothers that we'd take good care of them, and we have.

My car's engine died, and it had to have an engine transplant. She's like me now, lots of life left under the hood!

It's been a busy year, for sure. There have been times when I wished I could just run off to a tropical beach somewhere, just for a little while. Times when I really wondered how much longer I could keep up the pace, and times when I knew that it was all worth the effort. I guess that the fact that I'm still here proves something, if only that I'm tougher than I thought I was.

So..on to the next year. Hope it's a good one!

Christmas is over again, and life is back to normal, mostly. Which means back to work, paying bills, all that stuff of life..still, it was nice.

I would say this was a fairly quiet, non eventful Christmas; I farmsat on Christmas Eve, and spent a comfortable evening in Sue's big recliner chair with Harry and Blazer, her two cats, acting as lap rugs. We watched a lovely version of A Child's Christmas in Wales, and I drank tea and ate chocolates. The cats just purred and snored a little.
Christmas morning I was up at 7:30, and had all the horses fed by 8:15. Had breakfast then got busy cleaning stalls. It was a wet day, so the horses stayed inside; I put my head down and whipped through all 15 stalls by the time Sue and Jack got home at around 1:30. We finished up early and I got on the road home. I was home in time to watch the Doctor Who Christmas Special which I loved quite a lot. Then I spent the rest of the evening making the stuffing for dinner, and icing the carrot cake, while watching the best of the Doctor Who Christmas specials on Space.
Boxing Day I had a nice sleep in, took my time getting ready and then drove out to the farm. Was there around 2, and since Sue was in a bit of a tizzy getting dinner ready I took myself out to the barn to help with the rest of the work. Dinner was served around 6, and it was very delicious, and left us all in a bit of a turkey coma.. so it was good.

We had a frugal Christmas this year; no-one has the money to spend on frivolous things nobody really needs, so we all agreed to keep the gift giving to small things; I got some yummy chocolates (salt water toffee chocolates), and a pair of new work gloves (desperately needed), and from Sue and Jack a nice new set of pjs, more of a leisure outfit, really. I can now stay in my pjs and still look presentable if someone comes to the door.
I am content.

Yesterday I was back at work in ICU; it was a busyish day, and I was reminded once again that I am so fortunate to have what I have..when I look around the unit, I know that my little problems are just that: little. My patient died early in the afternoon; it was not unexpected, but it was still sad; she was only 40, had had a very tough life, and was pretty much alone in the world. Just moments before she died, someone from the Downtown Eastside community outreach came to visit her; as he walked in the room, she drew her last breath, and was gone. I was glad that she had someone at her side who knew the person she was. She looked so peaceful at the end.
I count my blessings every single day, I really do.

Today was a me day: I slept in, had coffee and read the paper, did the crossword, did some laundry, and tidied up the place. Read a book, made lunch (grilled cheese and apple sandwich) then went out to mail some letters. I stopped at DeadWrite to say Happy New Year, and came out with a Christmas present for me; the newest book in the Laurie R. King Mary Russell-Sherlock Holmes series The Pirate King. I didn't even know there was a new book!! Then I went up to the Library, and found two new books: Tanya Huff's The Wild Ways, the sequel to The Enchantment Emporium, and Ann Perry's new Charlotte and Thomas Pitt book, Treason at Lisson Grove. Colour me a happy little reader!

I'm now doing this, while half watching Notting Hill on TV. I am about to get a pot of soup underway; I have a lot of mushrooms that need to be used up before they all dry up, so mushroom barley soup seems to be the thing, so I will have soup for tomorrow's lunch.

It's back to work in ICU tomorrow.

So yesterday in ICU I was buzzing around the room, doing my Nancy nurse thing; one of my co-workers (who is all of 24) said to me:
You're so cute! You have so much energy for someone so old......

Ummm. Thank you? I burst into laughter when she realized what she'd just said. I guess from the point of view of a 24 year old, 64 looks pretty ancient. LOL.

Anyway. I feel so much better now that I've accepted the fact that I'm really old..guess I have a good excuse for not wanting to rush around in shopping malls looking for gifts no one needs or wants. You can't expect me to brave all those crowds, I might injure someone with my walker. (I'm still giggling about that "complement").

I have actually managed to finish the little bit of shopping I had to do. Christmas is going to be pretty low key around here, because we're all just trying to keep our heads above water. That said, I do feel like I'm starting to get the Christmassy feeling. I bought the ingredients to make a carrot cake for the Christmas dinner dessert; I have a recipe for a really good one, so I decided to do a homemade dessert rather than buy something from a bakery. I'm doing the stuffing as well; Sue's making the turkey, but she likes my stuffing better than hers.

I have my tiny Christmas tree up, with the sparkly lights, and outside I have the Rosemary bush atwinkle with lights too. A wreath on the door, and holly on the railing..it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

I stopped in at WhiteDwarf to give Jill and Walter my card and gift (a day's labour when they need help next month: they're amalgamating the mystery store and the science fiction store into one building, so lots of book moving to be done). She gave me her homemade granola, which is totally yummy; I've been eating it dry because it's full of nuts and seeds and other good stuff and it's so good. I got a copy of Guy Gavriel Kay's book Tigana to give to Kelly, the young woman who works for us at the farm; she reads a lot of the same stuff I do, so I'm introducing her to Guy Kay, whose work I love. I've already turned her on to the Dresden Files; she's gone through almost the whole series, which I've been lending her. I like giving books as gifts; it reminds me of my youth, when my Aunt Helen used to give me a book for my birthday and for Christmas every year. It was like getting a ticket to new and exciting worlds.

Now that I'm caught up, I'm going to go dye my hair. Time to get rid of that tell tale gray!

Not a lot, really. What have I been doing? Well, two minutes ago I was out on the patio scrubbing the horsepoop off Midnight's winter blanket so I could repair the torn front once again..I know, I live a very exciting life. LOL.

Today I took my car in to Air Care so I could renew my auto insurance. Turns out that 1 p.m. on a Monday afternoon is a good time to do that, because I only had to wait in line about 10 minutes, or about ten times as long as it took to do the actual testing of the exhaust system. My car passed, hurray, I forked over my $45 and then went off to renew the insurance. Had to be done by the end of this week, so cross that off my list.

Then I did some grocery shopping, because my fridge was looking very bare. Now I have food to eat, a good thing. I made a nice shepherd's pie, with lots of creamy mashed potatoes, so I have good dinners to take to work for the next three days. I've made my lunch and dinner for work tomorrow, so that job is done.

I spent a nice hour visiting with my friend Jill, catching up. I've been so busy lately I'm afraid I've let my friends slide by the wayside a bit, something I'm trying to fix. It's amazing how fast the days go by and all of a sudden I realize it's been a week since I've posted anything here, or talked to friends outside of work or the farm. I really need to broaden my social horizens a bit more.

I've bought exactly one Christmas gift, got my cards ready to write, and have considered what I want to do about decorating the apartment (not much). It seems that the Christmas season is just around the corner, and as usual I'm not ready for it. The hospital put up its annual display of lights, and they've decorated the ICU with a tree and other things, and a lot of the houses along the streets have their lights up too. The Santa Claus Parade was this weekend (I was not there)..so I'm trying to get into the spirit of the season. Not happening so much as yet. Maybe if I get some Christmas baking done..when I get a spare hour or so.

Sue was going to buy Teddy and Buddy stockings for their stall doors; it's their very first Christmas! Maybe Santa will bring them some juicy apples and carrots.

Now I have to go dig out some thread to fix that stinky blanket for Midnight, so I can get it out of the apartment. Chloe has been sniffing around it, and I don't want her or the other cats to get any ideas. heh.

That's what's up here.

Black Friday has been imported to Canada, it seems. There were big bargains in stores here, according to sources..I wouldn't know, because I avoid those kind of situations like the plague. There is nothing I want so badly that I am prepared to spend hours in line to get it. It's like the Boxing Day sales, a day when people go crazy in places like Future Shop. Not for me!

Speaking of crazy, I heard on the news that some woman in a Walmart somewhere actually used pepper spray on fellow customers to keep them away from the stuff she wanted. I couldn't believe it, but according to Huffington Post, it's totally true. Now that's truly insane.

I'm pretty tired tonight. I was out at the farm early this morning because it was Kelly's day off and we had all the stalls to do. I hadn't been out there for a few days because I was working in ICU, so I missed all the weather drama. There was a huge storm on Tuesday with wind gusts up to 90 kph during the night, on top of the storm on Monday that knocked out power to a lot of places (luckily, not the farm). Some big branches came down and broke the fence boards in the big paddock by the house, and some branches came down on the roof, too. There were some trees down in the woods by the property line, and branches all over the place. Our friend Mihai came over and helped Sue fix the paddock fence so the little boys could go out in their paddock. It sounds like quite the day, and while I feel bad I wasn't there to help, I'm not sorry I missed it.

It was a much calmer day today, quite nice really. Midnight and Kyra went out into the field, and we left them out for the night; they really would rather be out there than in their stalls, and there won't be many more days left for them to be there. I cleaned all 10 stalls in the big barn; took me about 4 hours. I'm feeling the burn right now!

I need a nice long soak in hot water. Wish I had one of those tubs with the jet sprays, and maybe a masseuse on call..ah, well. Hot water is still good.